Relationship

1- Relationship Problem: Communication
All relationship problems stem from poor communication, according to Elaine Fantle Shimberg, author of Blending Families. “You can’t communicate while you’re checking your BlackBerry, watching TV, or flipping through the sports section,” she says.

Problem-solving strategies:

1.1 Make an actual appointment with each other, Shimberg says. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let voicemail pick up your calls.

1.2 If you can’t “communicate” without raising your voices, go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant where you’d be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming.

1.3 Set up some rules. Try not to interrupt until your partner is through speaking, or ban phrases such as “You always …” or “You never ….”
1.4 Use body language to show you’re listening. Don’t doodle, look at your watch, or pick at your nails. Nod so the other person knows you’re getting the message, and rephrase if you need to. For instance, say, “What I hear you saying is that you feel as though you have more chores at home, even though we’re both working.” If you’re right, the other can confirm. If what the other person really meant was, “Hey, you’re a slob and you create more work for me by having to pick up after you,” he or she can say so, but in a nicer way.

2- Relationship Problem: Sex
Even partners who love each other can be a mismatch, sexually. Mary Jo Fay, author of Please Dear, Not Tonight, says a lack of sexual self-awareness and education worsens these problems. But having sex is one of the last things you should give up, Fay says. “Sex,” she says, “brings us closer together, releases hormones that help our bodies both physically and mentally, and keeps the chemistry of a healthy couple healthy.”

Problem-solving strategies:

2.1 Plan, plan, plan. Fay suggests making an appointment, but not necessarily at night when everyone is tired. Maybe during the baby’s Saturday afternoon nap or a “before-work quickie.” Ask friends or family to take the kids every other Friday night for a sleepover. “When sex is on the calendar, it increases your anticipation,” Fay says. Changing things up a bit can make sex more fun, too, she says. Why not have sex in the kitchen? Or by the fire? Or standing up in the hallway?
2.2 Learn what truly turns you and your partner on by each of you coming up with a personal “Sexy List,” suggests California psychotherapist Allison Cohen. Swap the lists and use them to create more scenarios that turn you both on.
2.3 If your sexual relationship problems can’t be resolved on your own, Fay recommends consulting a qualified sex therapist to help you both address and resolve your issues.

3 Relationship Problem: Money
Money problems can start even before the wedding vows are exchanged. They can stem, for example, from the expenses of courtship or from the high cost of a wedding. The National Foundation for Credit Counseling (NFCC) recommends that couples who have money woes take a deep breath and have a serious conversation about finances.

Problem-solving strategies:

3.1 Be honest about your current financial situation. If things have gone south, continuing the same lifestyle is unrealistic.
3.2 Don’t approach the subject in the heat of battle. Instead, set aside a time that is convenient and non-threatening for both of you.
3.3 Acknowledge that one partner may be a saver and one a spender, understand there are benefits to both, and agree to learn from each other’s tendencies.
3.4 Don’t hide income or debt. Bring financial documents, including a recent credit report, pay stubs, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments to the table.
• Don’t blame.
• Construct a joint budget that includes savings.
• Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills.
• Allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion.
• Decide upon short-term and long-term goals. It’s OK to have individual goals, but you should have family goals, too.
• Talk about caring for your parents as they age and how to appropriately plan for their financial needs if needed.

4 Relationship Problem: Struggles Over Home Chores
Most partners work outside the home and often at more than one job. So it’s important to fairly divide the labor at home, says Paulette Kouffman-Sherman, author of Dating From the Inside Out.

Problem-solving strategies:

4.1 Be organized and clear about your respective jobs in the home, Kouffman-Sherman says. “Write all the jobs down and agree on who does what.” Be fair so no resentment builds.
4.2 Be open to other solutions, she says. If you both hate housework, maybe you can spring for a cleaning service. If one of you likes housework, the other partner can do the laundry and the yard. You can be creative and take preferences into account — as long as it feels fair to both of you.

5 Relationship Problem: Not Making Your Relationship a Priority
If you want to keep your love life going, making your relationship a focal point should not end when you say “I do.” “Relationships lose their luster. So make yours a priority,” says Karen Sherman, author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make It Last.

Problem-solving strategies:

5.1 Do the things you used to do when you were first dating: Show appreciation, compliment each other, contact each other through the day, and show interest in each other.
5.2 Plan date nights. Schedule time together on the calendar just as you would any other important event in your life.
5.3 Respect one another. Say “thank you,” and “I appreciate…” It lets your partner know that they matter.

6 Relationship Problem: Conflict
Occasional conflict is a part of life, according to New York-based psychologist Susan Silverman. But if you and your partner feel like you’re starring in your own nightmare version of the movie Groundhog Day — i.e. the same lousy situations keep repeating day after day — it’s time to break free of this toxic routine. When you make the effort, you can lessen the anger and take a calm look at underlying issues.

Problem-solving strategies:

You and your partner can learn to argue in a more civil, helpful manner, Silverman says. Make these strategies part of who you are in this relationship.

6.1 Realize you are not a victim. It is your choice whether you react and how you react.
6.2 Be honest with yourself. When you’re in the midst of an argument, are your comments geared toward resolving the conflict, or are you looking for payback? If your comments are blaming and hurtful, it’s best to take a deep breath and change your strategy.
6.3 Change it up. If you continue to respond in the way that’s brought you pain and unhappiness in the past, you can’t expect a different result this time. Just one little shift can make a big difference. If you usually jump right in to defend yourself before your partner is finished speaking, hold off for a few moments. You’ll be surprised at how such a small shift in tempo can change the whole tone of an argument.
6.4 Give a little; get a lot. Apologize when you’re wrong. Sure it’s tough, but just try it and watch something wonderful happen.
“You can’t control anyone else’s behavior,” Silverman says. “The only one in your charge is you.”

7 Relationship Problem: Trust
Trust is a key part of a relationship. Do you see certain things that cause you not to trust your partner? Or do you have unresolved issues that prevent you from trusting others?
Problem-solving strategies:
You and your partner can develop trust in each other by following these tips, Fay says.

• Be consistent.
• Be on time.
• Do what you say you will do.
• Don’t lie — not even little white lies to your partner or to others.
• Be fair, even in an argument.
• Be sensitive to the other’s feelings. You can still disagree, but don’t discount how your partner is feeling.
• Call when you say you will.
• Call to say you’ll be home late.
• Carry your fair share of the workload.
• Don’t overreact when things go wrong.
• Never say things you can’t take back.
• Don’t dig up old wounds.
• Respect your partner’s boundaries.
• Don’t be jealous.
• Be a good listener.
Even though there are always going to be problems in a relationship, Sherman says you both can do things to minimize marriage problems, if not avoid them altogether.

First, be realistic. Thinking your mate will meet all your needs — and will be able to figure them out without your asking — is a Hollywood fantasy. “Ask for what you need directly,” she says.
Next, use humor — learn to let things go and enjoy one another more.
Finally, be willing to work on your relationship and to truly look at what needs to be done. Don’t think that things would be better with someone else. Unless you address problems, the same lack of skills that get in the way now will still be there and still cause problems no matter what relationship you’re in.

https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/7-relationship-problems-how-solve-them

2525

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In the year 2525, if man is still alive
If woman can survive, they may find
In the year 3535
Ain’t gonna need to tell the truth, tell no lie
Everything you think, do and say
Is in the pill you took today
In the year 4545
You ain’t gonna need your teeth, won’t need your eyes
You won’t find a thing to chew
Nobody’s gonna look at you
In the year 5555
Your arms hangin’ limp at your sides
Your legs got nothin’ to do
Some machine’s doin’ that for you
In the year 6565
You won’t need no husband, won’t need no wife
You’ll pick your son, pick your daughter too
From the bottom of a long glass tube

You are the sun

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What I need is you
What I want is you
What I dream is you
In the past, present and future

Is only you, you and you
What I need is to be near you, see you
What I want is to touch you
soft beyond any dream
What I dream is to be one with you
To see, what you see
To feel, what you feel
To sense, what you sense
To love, what you love

Loving you, is loving myself
Loving myself is loving you
One day, you are me, I am you, one
One day, I am you, you are me, one
One day, there is no stop, no hesitattion only love
One day, there is no past, present and future only love
..

To hold your hand

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تا دست تو را بدست آرم
از کدامین کوه می بایدم گذشت
تا بگذرم

از کدامین صحرا
از کدامین دریا می بایدم گذشت
تا بگذرم

روزی که اینچنین به زیبائی آغاز میشود
بهنگامی که من آخرین کلمات تاریک غمنامه گذشته را
با شبی که در گذر است
به فراموشی باد شبانه سپرده ام
از برای آن نیست که در حسرت تو بگذرد

تو باد و شگوفه و میوه ای، ای همه فصول من
بر من چنان چون سالی بگذر
تا جاودانگی را آغاز کنم

احمد شاملو
تیر ۴۲

A beautif day

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Waiting in an empty parking lot
Wind moving the snow around
She is up there near the cloud
I am waiting

She comes
Beautiful
Careful
Does not know what to say

Like a cold marble
Soft and cold
But I know
Underneath there is an angel
Waiting to be discovered

I hold her hand
Soft and warm
I follow the lines and curves
She is hesitant
She is smiling

I gave her present
Rapped in printout of old program
She looks at it
I think she is pure as the pearl inside

I tell her about my dream
And how I see her
In black and white
And where my touch seems to stops

She smiles
I taste the honey
So soft and so warm
Wish I could hold her forever

I Know the moment is here
Full bloomed magnolias
White and soft
Wanting to hold

I desperately want to
Find my little triangle
But I am struggling with
The end of alphabet

We arrive to the destination
I ask the famous question
She only answer
I love you

She is gone now
It me and drifting snow
And memory of a dream
And half filled bottle

For You

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If I talk real slowly
If I try real hard
To make my point dear
That you have my heart
Here I go

I’ll tell you
What you already know
Here I go
I’ll tell you
What you already know

If you love me, with all of your heart
If you love me, I’ll make you a star in my universe
You’ll never have to go to work
You’ll spend everyday, shining your light my way

If I talk real slowly
If I hold your hand
If you look real closely my love
You might understand
Here I go

Lyric of For You by Augus and Julia Stone

Want you

Dreaming about you
Standing there alone
And I
Standing behind you

Wanting you
Wanting to touch you
Those beautiful lines
Those magical curve

In the background
Trees are turning brown
Leafs are shining like golden suns
Remind me of the perfect shades
That I seen before

I come closer to touch
Feel the heat of your body
Assuming that
Like that afternoon in the car
You will smile
And put my hand where I like most

But

Then I see you
Frighten like an angel in the statue
Want to escape from me
Not sure why
Not sure why

– –

I will not say bye

Every time that I get lectured
How bad I am from you

I get sick
Really sick

All I wanted in my life was a true companion
What I get is complain about how bad I am

Hope that I will die soon and not be a pain for you

I am not going to say good bye
Because you (not this version of you)
Is always in my mind
The one that
Runing in the rain towards me
With big smile
And not trying to get ride of me
Just wanted to be with me

– –

Wanted You

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You are right
You are full of anger
You are mad with the world
I am happened to be on your way
I thought after the meditation
You will see why I am what I am

So
Bye bye you the beautiful
Will not hurt you any more

You told me
Only to tell the truth
You asked me if I love you

I said yes

You asked me what I want
And I said
You
All of you

With No boundaries
No limit
Because I love you

And you said ok
Now you say I only want you as a toy
You are not a toy

But sun shining like no other sun
Let me stand under your bright light
And feel live again

Please . .